What if you’re not meant to be the best?

When you look around on social media, the news, blogs and everywhere else it can seem like everyone is living their very best life but you. It looks like everyone is making the most money or the best kids crafts (and pinning them of course) and climbing all the important ladders to the tippy top. It can be easy to get swept up in that way of thinking; that we need to strive for absolute greatness and anything less is failure.

I fall into this trap all the time when I see bloggers making 6 or 7 figures while working part-time with kids and I can barely find the time and energy to sit down and write for twenty minutes each week.

I keep internalizing the need to be a high-paid blogger, best mom ever, and most amazing spouse. To have a banging body and flawless skin. To be out and about with friends and volunteering and attending all the events. My written goals even reflect these priorities.

But I am still a mess. I procrastinate writing for my blog. I lose my patience with my kids and give them pizza for dinner. I don’t wash my face every night and getting myself on the exercise mat is like pulling teeth. Friends? Activities? Way too tired for that.

And now I’m going to say something radical. Something that feels kinda weird and wrong to put out there into the world. Especially for someone in the personal development space.

Maybe that’s okay.

Maybe I don’t have to be the best at everything. Or anything. And maybe I can stop feeling so bad about it.

I certainly want to do my best, but my need for downtime and relaxation and really my general personality is not conducive to reaching those highest heights. And I need to be okay with that.

The beauty of my life is in spending long stretches on the porch watching my daughter explore and play. It’s in listening to my son’s elaborate fantasy stories and in his endless snuggles. Heck, it’s even in curling up on the couch with my life love and watching some TV. Even if the clothes are dirty and the dishes need doing and there are articles to write and tasks left undone from work, and let’s not even mention all the projects that need to be completed around the house.

That is a great thing to say – that all the above doesn’t interfere with my ability to wind down and enjoy life.

The problem is that all that stuff continues to weigh on me. It keeps me up at night and can preoccupy my mind when I’m spending time with my kids or working in one to-do realm and not the other. That is not okay with me. I want to be present and enjoying my time with my kids, husband, friends, and work. I want to be in the moment wherever I am and appreciate those moments fully.

And so, as I do with all things, I have made a plan. I have told others about this plan to help hold me accountable and I’ve put it in writing.

I am going to work on two big things:

I will be more intentional with my time. When it’s time to write and do my work I will fully commit to it. Not surf Facebook and Pinterest and check my email 1,000 times. I will block out time for chores and other household tasks and get those done during those times. I will put all this on the actual calendar and will work with my husband to help me, especially with protecting my work time. These two things will go a long way to helping me accomplish so much more and in freeing me from a constant feeling of failure

I am going to let go. Let go of being perfect and being the best. I am going to consciously feel these bad feelings, ask myself what would make me feel better in that moment and then let it go. Maybe I need to make a list of things to do later or send a quick email or text to outsource a task that is weighing on me. And then I will let that feeling go.

Meditation would probably be good but is very difficult for my hyper monkey brain. It seems like working towards starting a practice would be a good idea though. With no expectations of doing it perfectly (or even well!) and maybe not even doing it at all. The last thing I need is another obligation on my list!

I think this is one of those constant struggles. How to achieve what you want while being content with who you are and where you are at. It’s so hard to have both. Does anyone really feel at peace and like they can fully lean into their free time? Maybe not, but I think it’s a good place to be constantly striving for.